You say it"s your birthday...

Today is my birthday.  Today is mother's day.  Today is the 9th anniversary of my son's funeral.  The first 2 events only happen together ever so often, but 1 and 3 are always on the same day. I am a middle child, with a sister on either side of me, so my birthday was the one day when I truly felt like I could be completely selfish.  Birthdays were a big deal in our house.  I remember as a child planning all the details of the requests I was going to make for my birthday.  I remember my parents usually agreeing to most of them with in reason of course.  This love of birthdays did not end as a child, I think that everyone's birthdays are big deals and should be celebrated with enthusiasm and fancy cakes!  Something interesting happened to my birthday 9 years ago. When my precious son Ezekiel came into this world and left this world, we were faced with the decision of when to have the funeral.  He died on May 10th, which was a Saturday.  Tuesday the 13th seemed like the best day for the funeral.  Many people told me that we don't need to have his funeral on my birthday.  My thoughts were that the funeral will be the day before, or the day after my birthday then, what is the difference.  It has taken me 9 years to really process this all, but there is something so perfect about the timing in all of it!  I love that I get to celebrate my birthday and reflect on the loss of my first born all on the same day.  Typically on your birthday, you are surrounded by friends and family, so what better way to remember my son as well.  Today was a great day!  I also love that it was mother's day too.  Ezekiel died the day before mother's day.  Again, perfect.  I am no longer sadden by the loss, but grateful for the grace of God and his sovereignty in my life.  I definitely morn the loss of my son, but God has really taken it all and made it so beautiful.  Through this journey of loss and healing, I have made some great friends.  Some of them are now considered family!  I have been a part of different events, ministries and such things that would have never happened if it weren't for my loss.  I have been truly blessed by this life.  I have two beautiful children that make my days and break my days.  They make me laugh, cry and sometimes rock in the corner.  I am so honored to be their mother, they are my joy!  I have been given 32 years, and for that I am grateful.  Some years have been a bit sketchy, but through it all I have had one constant, my Savior.  He is my rock and my shelter, my healer and shepherd.  I thank my Lord for this life, these years, and the events that have filled them.  I also need to thank my husband who has put up with me for 12 birthdays.  Some years have been better than others, but I think I can safely say, that this year may be one of the best!  Good food, good friends, my husband and my kids!